Life as a Woman
Santa’s Penis: 1989
I am probably eight years old. We are at Rehoboth Beach in one of the many junk shops where we purchased two hermit crabs earlier in the week: one for me, one for my brother, with whom I have stopped bathing since he noted the first sprouts of pubic hair as I held a contortionist’s […]
The Misogynist Rhetoric Runs Deep: 1980 – present
This is the beginning of a piece about sexual assault: It is deep inside me, a sliver of an idea, an idea that I have tried to banish by reading feminist criticism, by performing in The Vagina Monologues, by reading those sad, captioned photos online that have rape victims holding white signs with handwritten quotations […]
How I learned about Foreplay: 1994-1995 (Late Bloomer)
As promised, here is the first little excerpt. And here’s a picture from my youth. Thank you, Kelley Stevens. I’m guessing this is around the same time period because I have a similar hair cut as I do now, and because I am not wearing glasses. I started wearing glasses in 1996. In my early-teen […]
What’s Next? or Why I’ve Been a Shitty Blogger and How I Plan to Change
You probably remember the days when I blogged five days a week. And I doubt you’ve missed me. But I’ve missed you. See, I’m in this grad program for writing. It’s mostly online. I go two times a year for about a week to get my physical learning on, then the rest of the time […]
Curiouser and Curiouser
When I was little, I used to notice when women wore sneakers all the time. Sneakers at church, sneakers at work, sneakers with suits, skirts, jeans, on holidays, on vacation. I was particularly vexed when women wore sneakers with skirts. The above image is a photograph of my feet. In sneakers. With a skirt. I […]
Open Letter to He Who Must Have the Last Word (In A Professional Context)
Dear He, Please note the careful choice of pronoun. I have never met a woman who is so enamored of delivering a bitter pill of haute vulgarisation to a poor, plebeian other. I never met a woman who cradled her mons pubis while delivering her last word. Who took such small-minded, bureaucratic joy in lording her position, […]
Open Letter to Women Who Do Not Want Children.
Dear Woman, There is nothing wrong with you. You are self-aware and strong and wise. You are making the right choice. You are the only one who should make that choice. Sex is fun. It is all right to still want to have sex, even if you don’t want to have children. This does not […]
People do Zany Shit on the Internet & Notes from the Cosmos
Child started playing this game, Tapfish, on my first generation Galaxy Tab. I’m kind of into it, too. I’m babysitting our two tanks while she visits Grandma this week. This game is mildly frustrating because the cool stuff costs real money (in the form of fish bucks), but I’m in the middle of an “event” […]
Birthday #7: One Mother’s Oldness
Child says, “Seriously, mommy.” kind of a lot. It sounds like an accusation. Like, “How dare you doubt my perfect logic? I am seven, and therefore infallible.” Seven. Six plus one. Five plus two. Wasn’t she an infant mere months ago? How is this possible? Here’s Child over her cake. I like seven. I liked […]
It’s Too Soon to Talk About the Wedding
I’m a wreck over it, seriously. This is the stuff midlife crises are made of. When your baby sister gets married in an ostentatiously arty, wholly original, and beautiful way, and you’re in your 30s and you’re feeling kind of lost and frantic and alone, well. It takes a toll on a girl is all […]
