6 Comments

Advice About Love for Artists or Anybody.

From Flickr User qthomasbower.

1.  Always worry about your choices, for your wide mind and readiness for new experience can lead you to crummy places with crummy people.

2.  Choose lovers who are also artists.  If you marry, marry a pragmatist.  If you divorce, remarry an artist.

3.  Avoid the tiger and the rat.

4.  Trust yourself.  Do not take society’s portrayal of you as flaky or too weird to heart.  If it smells like danger, then it is.  If it smells delicious, it might be.

5.  Accept that you look at the world differently than not-artists, this means that you will have to be flexible in arguments.

6.  Some people can’t handle being with an artist.  No matter how nice you are, this will not change.  It will not always be immediately obvious.

7.  Sometimes, even if it makes total sense and seems like it will work, it won’t.  And other times, if it seems like it won’t work, it will.  On this, trust your guts and your heart.

8.  If you share a domicile, keep a place to work that has a door to close.  Unless your partner is also an artist and you are involved in her process, do not involve her in yours.  Do not ask for or trust her opinion of your work.  She can’t be objective, and doing so is a recipe for resentment, and opens the temptation to make the relationship serve your work.

8 a. Keep your work separate from your relationship.  If you create work about your partner, tell her, show her, and give her editorial authority.  If she is uncomfortable, you must not use that material.

9.  If your partner is the rare sort who can be objective about your work, do not ask for her opinion unless it won’t hurt your feelings if she says she does not like it.  You do not get to ask then be hurt when she answers truthfully.

10.  People love to be with artists because artists make stuff for their partners.  Do that.  It is nice and inexpensive.

11.  Make sure your partner is all right with the financial weirdness of making a living as an artist, if that is how you do it.

12.  Artists are especially possessed of a compulsion to introspect and self-criticize.  Make sure your partner does not mistake this for exclusion, conspiracy, or malignant narcissism.  It may help to talk her through your thought process.

13.  It is wonderful to have the artist’s sensibility, to be able to see the world differently.  People who can’t will want you to do it their way.  People are especially prescriptive about love.  Enjoy your artist’s purview for the gift it is, and don’t listen to them.

About these ads

6 comments on “Advice About Love for Artists or Anybody.

  1. Good piece, April. I have struggled with sharing work or asking advice from my non-artist partner, who works in peripherally in the biz. I finally gave it up but do seek factual help in certain areas. He does the same with me. Best of all, he’s good when I announce I’m shutting my office door and anyone who knocks on it might get decapitated. :-)

    • It’s good that you have that arrangement. It’s good that your non-artist partner can be understanding about your compulsion to create. Not everybody is as lucky. :-) Glad you dug the post.

      Cheers!

  2. Such good stuff, April. Love it. I love that my husband recognizes when I’ve gone into writer-Laura. He’s respectful of the space I need. This from an engineer, too. It’s vital, as an artist, that you’re with someone who knows what that means. Thanks!

  3. Wonderful suggestions, April–ones that took me two failed marriages to figure out. I’m now very happily married to a musician.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,102 other followers

%d bloggers like this: