I did post this image the other day, but today is Solstice (for which my Pagan domestic partner could not provide a suitable idea for an icon in the dragon’s house, above), and I think this is really funny.
Also, since I drew it, I will not go to jail or be hugely fined for using it (but you might).
As I told my girlfriends the other night, I’m my own biggest fan.
And this morning, at 7:00, as I woke up wishing I cared less that I was still in bed, not wanting to emerge from my cocoon of warmth and comfort, even for 50 degree December days, I read Facebook posts. I feel like the Facebook status updates in my feed are a pretty representative cross section of culture at any given time. I have friends who are rich, poor, gay, transgender, aged between like 19 and in the 60s, etc. And starting on Turkey day, until about a week ago, all the little updates were things like, “so great to be in the xmas spirit, I sure do love this time of year, dreaming of a white xmas, etc etc etc.”
This morning there were things like, “What xmas song makes you want to puke?” and “I don’t want to brave the mall!” and “Dear Lord, when will it end?!”
And in my haughty little pea brain, I was like, “well if you people would just wait until the week of xmas to celebrate, and not drive yourselves bonkers buying buying buying presents, maybe ya’ll would be less miserable.”
But who am I kidding?
I totally didn’t drive myself nuts this year. I am broke, and so I only bought gifts for Fella & Child. Everybody else gets homemade ones.
Fella and I spent like 8 hours baking our faces off the other day, and are giving our friends pretty little boxes filled with cookies.
I made little thingies (I’ll tell you all about them with pictures and everything after the Big Day), and I started out really strong. But now, I’m down to the wire, and I still have quite a few to do, and I’m feeling totally stressed and pressured.
Also, we’re trying to coordinate with our friends to GIVE the the cookies we spent all the time baking for them, and well, it’s just not super slick. Everybody’s got in-laws and outlaws and ex-laws, and baby’s daddies, and other countries, counties, states, or prisons… It’s rough!
I find myself asking, “Is all this worth it for the 4 or 5 hours we spend with people we don’t see often? Why not this: Let’s all make new year’s resolutions to stop being such utter wank jobs and connect with the people we care about more often than once a year. Let’s all decide to ONLY buy presents for our IMMEDIATE families (that means, married children only buy for their partners and children, empty nesters only buy for each other, and everybody buys a box of bon bons, an enema, and a pair of slipper socks for anybody they know in a nursing home).
Let’s visit each other’s living rooms, announced or unannounced, and not feel pressured to cook for our friends and family. Let’s pass around a loaf of wonder bread and a jar of peanut butter. Or if we LIKE to bake, we bake. Otherwise, we just enjoy the company.
Secret Santa? I mean really. Why? Just a thing for a thing’s sake? More junk we don’t need?
I’ve never had a terrific time at a company holiday party. Well, maybe once, but it was a fluke. And I kind of regret it.
So help me understand this, people. What is the big deal? And don’t give me that shit about the Son of God. First of all, this whole celebration is historically inaccurate, and I’m pretty sure Jesus (if that was his real name) would not pepper spray people over toys, send out an extra super huge pile of spam all season long, nor would he be pleased to know that we are all torturing one another for a full month each year.
Say the average life span is 60 years, so we waste 1,350 days if we start working retail or stressing over xmas around age 15. We lose 3.7 years of our lives.
Look, I’m trying to fight my inner Scrooge. I really am. It’d be the best thing for my kid. But I just can’t get all lathered up over this nuttiness. Tell me. What do you love about xmas?