Because it means that my life constantly exists on two planes: excellent and nose bleed.
These are the excellent things: I threw my first body shop party solo this evening. I did well, with cards. I am not a script-follower generally. I got a solid, positive, promising lead on some consistent freelance work today. I had two decent prospects at work today. I entered the body shop order in record time, and figured out how to order some stuff I didn’t know how to order before. My sisters’ friends’ mom, Cathy, is a very, very cool woman, and I chatted a bit with her this evening. She is inspirational because she gets paid to do art. My dearest friends in the world, Noelle and Feike, will be visiting next weekend. I have been holding myself to New Year’s resolutions and being proactive in doing things that will make me happier.
These are the things that cause nose bleeds: I am broke. Poorer than I’ve been since moving home. Patience, I keep telling myself, Patience! I need to buy new underwear. My cat, Oolong, is [in heat, retarded, sick???] and she keeps peeing on things. She has been living in the basement for 3 days. I want to take her to the vet, but i can’t afford it. She needs to be fixed. I haven’t had the time to write e-mail or update this thing in 5 to 7 days. All words for numbers ten and under should be spelled out, and I have screwed that up at least 5 times today, once in the e-mail to the promising-freelancing-work-guy. I am terribly sexually frustrated. The laundry is piling up, and I have more food in the fridge than I can consume before it spoils. If only unspoiled food could be traded for cash.
Often, when I am seeing the hardest edges of my adulthood, both planes are going breakneck.
I have no philosophical mental spew to soften these edges. I have no real idea of what to do except for to keep doing.
I get that Beatle’s song, “Help!” for the first time, ever.